


Paper Lantern

by mech_13



Category: Original Work
Genre: Demigods, Drama & Romance, Goodbyes, Having Faith, Multi, Original Character Death(s), Reincarnation, Rejection, Second Chances, Soulmates, Unrequited Love, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-01 16:12:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11489970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mech_13/pseuds/mech_13
Summary: Thalia loved Fikar, and silently, Fikar loved her too. But Fikar is engaged with Sasha, and Thalia is bound to protect the humans. One was tied to a promise, and the other never know whether she'd die or live another second longer. Then there is Radon, Thalia's partner in crime, that hates Fikar more than anything else.“Because, even if it means goodbye, the knowledge of being loved and having the most honest feeling one can have, might be the strength to keep on living.” - Thalia Arcadius Verga





	1. Thalia

My whole body freeze when I saw him stands on the stage with his family close around him. The crowd was jeering for him to be thrown away. That such human is not worthy of our protection. Yes, we protect the world as the demigods, however, we are not a bodyguard. I felt every cell in my body screamed at me to go there, and embrace him. He was, after all, my life mate. I would very much like to hold him and shield him from the buzzing crowd. To scream in front of the people I called family that I love him, and the moment the Fate chose him to be my mate, he earned every right to be here, and to be protected by the demigods.

And yet, my feet tumbled forward, ignoring the scream in my ears. Besides me, Radon grabbed my forearm and he gripped it so hard it hurts. I am sure there would be some bruises later. He knew exactly what was going on my mind, and he was determined that he wouldn’t let me make a fool of myself, again.

Hard as it was, because of my people trying to stop me, their favorite demigods, and maybe, because they knew I couldn’t resist the plead for sanctuary; I still reached the front line. The words stuck in my throat, ready to be spilled, ready to ask them for leniency for the man that was my life mate. However, as I opened my mouth, I saw her. The girl standing beside him, cowering slightly, and at that moment, it felt like my heart stopped beating.

She looked at me, and I wished I could scowl, and showed any signs that I, too, like the rest of my family, refused to give them sanctuary. However, all I could feel was the pain in my chest, when she tugged his arms, and a gold ring shone in her left ring finger. They were engaged.

Then his head turned, and his eyes found mine. Radon gasped besides me, and mutters something along the line that he would kill him. He practically shouted in my ears to stopped being a fool and rejects the request before the mating call started, and then I’d die. However, something inside me stirred, nudging me, reminding me that our purpose was to make sure that our mate was happy. And if it meant to let him build the family he wanted with that girl, then I’m fine with it.

So I stepped forward, and forced a smile, even though my tears filled eyes. His eyes searched mine, and he opened his mouth. But I beat him through it.

“Fikar.” 

I heard myself saying, and the crowd went quiet. An acquaintance of a demigod would always receive sanctuary.

“Thalia.”


	2. Unwritten Goodbye

At some point in my life, I had been a normal girl. A normal, 19 years old girl, living with my psychotic mother, obsessed aunt, and a stubborn two years old nephew. My older sister worked on the eastern island in Indonesia, in a gold mine. Both of us came from the same University, the most prestigious one in the country, both majoring in Mechanical Engineering. I was happy. Happy enough for somebody carrying a heavy burden with her.

My friends adored me; they looked up to my sister. I had a loving boyfriend who majored in naval engineering, and we were the power couple. The girl a role model, a picture perfect of a future wife, and the boy albeit an engineer to be, excelled in arts and have won so many art competition. Even my professor loved me, they offered me a lots of research project to do.

And yet, behind all of that, the burden I carried with me only got heavier as the time passed. My deceased father left a little for us to live for, and we were living in a small rented house. Even though my sister’s payment was enough to feed, it was not enough to cover the excess needs of the rest of the family. She was the backbone, nobody else in the family work. I got a scholarship, and yet, I worked my ass off for my day to day necessities. My boyfriend had been asking me for sex, even though I’ve said no countless of time, and we were falling out of love. All in all, my life was quite a misery.

Standing in the center of all my problem, was Fikar Ghalih. An Indonesian boy, or should I say, man, in his early twenties, my senior by three years, and my crush. Or more than a crush, I don’t get it. I’ve tried so many ways to get him out of my head, and when Leon asked me out, we got together, I thought I’ve forgotten him. With him graduating and all, and yet, when I saw his face again, I can’t help falling for him again.

After all, he was my care brother. The senior responsible for me and other two of my friends, during our first year. Most of my year had left their care brother forgotten when we got into our second year, however, Fikar was a kind soul. And I, Keenan, and Ravee were the leader of our year. The bright freshmen, with a vice president for the student council in out department as their lead. Of course people adored us. And we always kept in contact.

So here I am, standing in a clearing bordered by the road full of car, and firefighter, rented for the graduation parade. Surrounded by both of my senior and junior, holding a bouquet of dark colored flowers wrapped with a black paper and gold ribbon, waiting for Fikar to show up from the hall the graduation was being held.

Both Keenan and Ravee stood before me, smoking, much to my annoyance. All of us wore black clothes, along with the department jacket that held the department’s crest. The wind blew and I crossed my legs to prevent it from blowing my dress up. The dress was made of satin and half of the top was made from black lace. It was sleeveless, and thus making me shiver for a bit, resenting the fact that the graduation was held on late August, the beginning of the raining season.

“He’s taking so long. Why is he taking so long?” I felt myself beginning to scowl. The bouquet I was holding wouldn’t stand perky for so long, and even then five hours had passed since it was freshly made.

“Good Lord, Thalia, it’s a graduation ceremony! Of course it would take a long time!” Keenan sent me a confused glare while lighting his second cigarette.

My mouth fell open to answer, but I gritted my teeth. He was right. And the crowd wasn’t supposed to be Fikar’s first priority anyway. His family should be the first priority, and of course Fikar understand that. Which is the opposite for me, putting my family second to the man I’ll never have.

A pack of cigarette came into view, and I raised one eyebrow to Ravee, who in turn offered his hand again to me. My eyes gazed around us, a lot of people were there, seniors who promptly looking for my fault behind my back, and juniors who looked at me as if I have no flaws. He huffed, pulled one from the pack and light it, before shoving it between my lips. I glare at him in return.

Ravee scowled at me. “Please, Thalia, no one would bat an eye whether you smoke or not. And what got your panties twisted anyway? You should’ve been used to this ceremony already. We did this parade twice a year, remember?”

Taking a deep breath, feeling more pissed off than before, I let out all the smoke to his face, getting a chuckle from Keenan. “You will know when you deserve to know,” I snapped at his face, before taking another hit off the cigarette. “For now you just have to know that I can’t be here for long. I will leave right after we give him the flower”

Both Keenan and Ravee gave me a confused stare, though Keenan was mixed with slight pity. He knew that I had crush on Fikar, and thus, he had an image of what I would be doing. Stubbornly, I avoided their glare and instead, focusing on the stream of graduates that had started to came out of the building.

Most of my juniors started to form lines and they went around the rotunda, singing our mars and calling out our graduates to be led where we were waiting. I remembered myself being in their place, during my own sister graduation. That day, I went home with sore throat, and a wilted bouquet of red roses. The memory made me flinch, and instead, my eyes caught sight of a curly hair, and kind eyes that I recognize so well.

“There he is,” I muttered and started to walk towards my care brother. Both Keenan and Ravee behind me.

Keenan grabbed my hand before I could reached Fikar though, and leaned down close to my face. “Don’t do anything stupid, Thalia. You might regret it, and no, I’m not talking about confessing to him.” He whispered harshly into my ears.

“Why would I confess to him?” I asked with a hint of smile on my lips. There was no way I’d be able to confess. No way I’d be brave enough, to risk the relationship with Leon, even though I was going to break up with him once this is all over. I just needed some time to compose myself, and brace myself.

Keenan, however, seemed to have taken my words seriously. He gripped my hand harder and pulled me into stop. Leaving the over-excited Ravee to went and fetch Fikar himself, completely forgetting about us. “Don’t – You can’t lie to me, Thalia.” He said, and I watched as his usually calm face turned into one of pity, and cringe.

I took a deep breath, and sighed. Somewhere not so far from us, Ravee had found Fikar, and as Keenan and I talked, they were busy celebrating, bumping hips and what not. I contemplated to bail out from my plan, but then realize that I can’t. If I want to survive the last two years in univ, that is.

So I turned my gaze to Keenan, giving him an honest gaze, and my true smile. I squeezed his hand, before pulling it off from mine. “Let’s go. Before Fikar got here, and chew our ears off for taking so long on his graduation.”

“Thalia!”

This time I glared at him. “This day is about Fikar. I thought we all agreed on that.” my cold voice shut Keenan off. I saw him clenching his jaw, but after he closed his eyes and opened it back, the look there was sincere. I was understood, if not forgiven.

With that, we both started to walk again, and I cringed by the way Fikar had hugged Ravee so hard and started to spin him around. My hand clenched around the bouquet as I think about what would happen next. However, the moment he finished spinning Ravee around, his eyes caught mine, and I – albeit forced, showed him a wide grin.

“THALIA!!!”

I cringed again at his loud voice, but kept my grin wide enough when he ran up to me, spreading his hand wide apart. Before I knew it, I raised my hand holding the bouquet up, and my senses were over filled with a bitter-sweet scent belonged to Fikar. He was much taller than me, my head only reached up to his shoulder, but this time, he bent and held me up, spinning me around.

Despite the nagging feeling in my head, I pushed all the insecurity away, and went along with his antics. Most of our junior stood around and laughed along, some smile knowingly, and for the first time, I didn’t care about what they think of me. Fikar felt hard and soft both at the same time, I felt his muscle shift and flex beneath me and we both laughed hysterically. I gripped his shoulder as hard as I could as he spun me around and around, my black heels fell off my feet at some point.

My hands prepared to push him off the moment my feet reached the ground again, standing on my tip toes, however Fikar didn’t let go. His breath was warm against my ears. “I’m glad you’re here. I thought you weren’t going to come,”

Hearing his words, I couldn’t help but laughed. “No way I’d miss this one out. I’ve missed your thesis defense.”

Only then did he let me go, and soon, Keenan got his chance to express his congratulation, while I stood there, having done my job to pass the bouquet. I watched as more people came to congratulate him, and realized that this would be the last time I saw him. Maybe that was why when a face I knew well enough, that boiled my blood with jealousy and distaste I didn’t feel so bad. In fact I felt nothing but resign.

Fikar pried off the people congratulating him, and hugged the girl he called his girlfriend. Sasha was beautiful, indeed, as beautiful as any half Indonesian and half Chinese could be. Her features were so different from me who carry both Indonesian and western genes. When her gaze turned to me, I, again, forced myself to give her a smile.

She kissed his cheek softly before sauntering her ways towards me. I busied myself with wearing my heels back, so I don’t have to actually talk to her. Even if she wasn’t Fikar’s girlfriend, her traits made me sick. And something was suspicious about her, not to mention she annoyed me to no end.

Sasha brushed her bangs away, before smiling at me, in which I return with a dry one. Not that hers was a true smile either. “Thank you for coming,” her crisp voice ticked a time bomb inside my head, and already, I could felt my temper raising.

“I make time for my closest friend. And Fikar is family enough to me to put him on a priority list,”

“Really? I appreciate that, and since he is family enough, maybe we should get some time together too, to bond, just the two of us!” she said with enthusiasm that made me cringe inwardly. However, something pushed inside of me, and I willed myself to actually feel sincere towards her.

If Fikar had chosen her, then there must be something more than the spoiled girl outside, and I know better than to judge people. My brother was happy being with her, and I can see her staying in his life for a long time, if not forever, I might as well made peace with her. So I gave her a bit more than dry fake smile, and actually grinned. “Sure! But maybe sometime after September, I’m spending my holiday in west Sumatera”

Surprised, and glee could be seen in her eyes when I agreed to her idea. I thought she never believed once that one day we’d have peace – or truce at the very least, with each other and that I’d be the one offering it. “That’s great! How does mid-October sounds? We could discuss the place next time we meet”

Hardly possible. “It does sounds good, Sasha.” A scream tore our attention from each other, and we both rolled our eyes at the cause. Fikar had jumped into his friend, Tondy, who in turn kissed him right on the mouth, separated by Sandy’s hand. And Sandy is a boy, thanks. Nobody batted an eye, and I am very proud of my extended family to be at least comfortable enough with LGBT, and they knew not to take any of that seriously, because both Fikar and Tondy are straight as a ruler.

“Sometimes I wonder why did I have to have him as my care brother.” I sighed, already taking off my jacket because with the increasing number of people, I started to feel stuffy.

Sasha looked at her boyfriend with unimpressed stare. “I asked myself that question with him being my boyfriend countless of time.”

I snorted. Looks like he managed to annoy not just me, but also his girlfriend. Instinctively, I reached for her hand, and nodded my head towards the crowd. “Well come on,” Sasha smiled back at me, and we walked hand in hand towards the place where the graduates had started to thicken.

Soon, the project officer of the parade stood out, and the crowds chatter ceased into murmur, if not being entirely quiet. We formed a circle, and everywhere I could see the family I made here becoming together. Seniors hugging their junior, friends laughing and taking photos together. A rare affection showed only in this occasion. Because this was the last time. Because this was goodbye.

I stood in the front row of the circle made around him, with Fikar beside me, sandwiched between me and Ravee. Sasha had gone to the back, saying that this part of the parade was for the department to celebrate, and that she was still an outsider. And I felt grateful for that. Even if she’d marry Fikar later, she’d always be an outsider to this part of the family.

The sun had set, and the sky was mostly dark now. Several of the committee members came to the front bringing a paper lantern. I was surprised when a low chuckle came from beside me, and long fingers pinched my cheek. My gaze turned, and was met with Fikar’s soft one. He was still wearing his robe and cap. “You really love this part of the parade huh? Even though it’s the closing one.”

“Why, of course I do, Fikar. After all, this is the part when you say goodbye.” We received one paper lantern, and looked at the staff confusedly. Usually, it was only the graduates who received it.

“No one should be alone while making wish,” he pointed to both of us, and we both realized that the front row consist of the graduates and one junior with the same number each. I looked at Fikar again, and he only shrugged, receiving the marker given by the staff.

We stood face to face, and he gave me one of the markers. “But it’s the goodbye, even if you spent it with someone, and make a wish towards them, who can say if you’d meet each other again?”

Amused, I looked at him from behind the already lit lantern, and grinned. “Are you saying you’d like to meet me again, Fikar? Because of course, we would meet again,” although I don’t know when. 

He turned his head away from the lantern and gave me a pissed off look. “You annoying git, don’t be so idiot! There’s no way I’d leave you and never see you again!” I still grinned and wiggled my eyebrows at him, although deep down, I know that there’s no way we’d meet again, not unless it is his wedding, or my funeral.

I could see he heaved and sighed deeply, averting his eyes to the ground, before looking back at me again. That moment, I realized that just like me, just like any other people in this world, he is just a boy. He didn’t know much about this world better than me. He was my perfect, caring, care-brother, but he was still just a boy. A human, like me.

My eyes flitted back to the lantern, and I continued to write my wish. “However, with this lantern, even if we just write our wish, does it not reveal our feeling? Do we not convey our feeling to the most precious and sacred thing in this world God created, the Mother Nature? And do we not hope for her to convey it to the people it was intended to?” I blew my breath to let the ink dry, “Because, even if it means goodbye, the knowledge of being loved and having the most honest feeling one can have, might be the strength to keep on living.”

The sky was almost completely dark when both Fikar and I finished writing our wishes. The staff counted to three and we lifted the lantern, before pushing it up, and let it float. The people around us clapped and cheered, while I just gazed at our lantern, Fikar stood beside me, very close, that I practically leaning at him.

A feeling of something being pressed into my head made me turn my gaze towards him. He smiled softly at me, and arranged his graduation cap in my head. “Congratulation for your graduation, Thalia Arcadius Verga. Now, you’re no longer my care-sister, or junior, you’re standing on the same equal ground with me, in adultness.”

I would always remember him. His tall, lean figure, his curly hair that looked so good when he let it grow, and tied it into a bun. His kind eyes, wide smile, and long fingers that often pinch my nose just to pissed me off. As I looked into his eyes that time, I realized I would never be out of love in him. Smiling, I tore my gaze away, and felt him doing the same. I didn’t need to look to know, that he, too, was looking into our lantern, floating away, up into the dark sky.

Mother Nature must had heard both our wishes, and the wishes of the graduates by then. I hoped, that she would be kind enough to convey our sincerest feeling.

“Congratulation to you, Fikar.” I whispered. So low, so small, that even the man that stood beside me, his finger loosely grasping on my waist, as if he was doing it instinctively, wouldn’t hear it.

“Goodbye,” I whispered again.

I love you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Please comment and leave Kuddos if you like this story :)  
> I'll update every three days :)


	3. Death and All His Friends

The parade ended the moment the lantern had flown away, so far away that it couldn’t be seen again. We then gathered tightly, and started to chant our mars and the graduates thrown their caps into the sky. Throughout all those time, me, Keenan and Ravee always stayed besides Fikar. Then we asked one of our junior to take photo of us. Fikar standing in the back, and I was sandwiched between Keenan and Ravee, holding onto the almost wilted bouquet, wearing Fikar’s cap.

Four hours after that photo was taken, I found myself sitting on a plane, buckling myself in, after a short trip to the toilet. My sister had arranged my flight months before the graduation, since the realization that I can’t be with Leon anymore, and there was no way I can forget Fikar so easily. She didn’t know about anything that I had endured, or how those things took their toll on me.

However, she called me an hour ago, just before I boarded the plane. And her voice still rang in my head. _“Your health and happiness is more important than anything, Thalia.”_ It is very unlike her to actually say anything that concerned my life. But deep down inside me, I think I knew that she _knew_ just what was going on that I asked her to get me a plane ticket to our hometown.

“Miss, what would you like to drink?” the stewardess voice brought me back from my thoughts. I was just turning my head and about to answer when a loud crash tore the peace inside the airplane.

In an instant, all the passengers and the flight attendant went into haywire. The passengers screaming in fright, while the flight attendant tried their best to calm us down. Strangely, I felt nothing like the rest of them. No panic, no sadness, if anything else, I felt almost empty. As if I was sure that I would survive this. Maybe that was because before I knew it, I had been chanting in my head, _it’s only turbulence. It’s only turbulence, we would be fine, and soon, we will arrive in Padang. There will be no crash._

_We will survive._

Oxygen masks were thrown right into our faces, and the screamed of instruction could be heard. The plane still shook violently, the light was flickering on and off. I tightened my seatbelt, and reached down the chair, searching shakily for the life vest. Another loud explosion could be heard, and that moment, I yanked the vest out, before risking a glance at the plane’s wing.

I may be a junior in mechanical engineering, however, even I knew, when I saw the fire starting on the wing’s engine, that something horrible was going to happen. _We’re going to die._ That was the first thought that appeared inside my head then. Somewhere inside the plane, a baby cried, and also most of the passenger. The luggage inside was thrown from their cabin, a loud scream deafened my ears, and I stood up just enough to see one of the flight attendant thrown up, her neck snapped at the worst angle before she fell lifeless.

Somebody sobbed, and I fell to my seat again, feeling more tired than ever. My mind screaming at me to move, to do anything to save myself, or dodge my death as best as I can, but my body won’t move. My hands and legs betrayed me, my eyes betrayed me as they won’t shut, instead focusing on the impending crash, and the waiting deep, deep blue ocean.

I didn’t think I would ever forget the screams throughout the plane, or the reciting of Qur’an and Bible, or the baby cries. I guessed it won’t matter, if I forget it or not. Less than a minute from now on, I’d die, and so, I wouldn’t ever remember.

My eyes moved, and as I looked at the dark night, my face turned into a scowl, and tears ran down my cheek. “I hate you,” I whispered through the chaos. “I HATE YOU!”

I didn’t know just who I was screaming to. My scream was just one in a many screams. The one sitting beside me, I was sure that he had looked at me like I’m a lunatic. However deep down I knew, just who I was screaming my hatred into.

God.

Actually, now it seemed funny, and depressing at the same time. The man beside me clenched the seat so hard, and I couldn’t help but looked at him. And because I turned my face, it meant that I saw the scrunched up face of a less than six months old baby that was clutched tightly into his mother’s embrace.

“Please…” I heaved. _“Please…”_

_Not any of them. Just me._

My eyes locked into the baby’s brown one. And the strangest thing happened. I saw white, and it felt like my father’s embrace, and my mother’s kisses. It felt like the first ice cream my sister bought me, and Leon’s soft caresses. So soft and innocent, yet it was maddening. It felt like Fikar’s smile and, moreover, it felt like home coming.

_“Don’t you worry. I’ll be with you in every step of the way”_

The voice sounded so comforting, and it promised thousands of things at once, so I braced myself, and let go of the heart wrenching sob I’ve been holding on.

 

I used to wonder, when will I die? How will I die? Will people grieve over me? The usual kind of question that popped up into the head of a five years old girl. Back then, I would nagged, and begged my mother to die together. The thought of going somewhere all alone, without my parents scared me to no end. And maybe, that was the exact thing that God wanted. He wanted us to feel scared of death, so we would obey Him all the time. Somehow, it nagged me. I hated how He treated His people like that when He said that He loved us. However, I also realize, that since He is the creator, He had the upper hands, and we’re not really in place to judge Him. Even though He was always in place to judge us.

From the very start, this world was created by injustice.

As a child, my favorite place was in my father’s shoulder. It seemed like that was the highest yet safest place on earth. Even though I’ve always had a phobia of height, there, I didn’t feel scared at all. So when he passed away, the highest place I could bear was the four story building of my high school. Any more than that, I would feel like the ground beneath me would dropped suddenly, and I’d die.

It was ironic and funny at the same time, that I, a nineteen years old girl who desperately wanted to survive any accident gave up the moment I saw into the eyes of a newborn baby. They said that when you had a baby, or witnessed them growing up since birth, you’d understand what it felt to be a mother, or, parents, in general. Maybe that was the reason I gave up on my own life, and gambled with God, begging the divinity I never knew the truth about to save them all.

Maybe it was because I saw my nephew’s eyes there, that I lost my calm. That my hatred turned into desperation, and my selfishness of my own life turned into one of selfless-ness. My seniors always told me and my year, during the orientation, _be brave! Be strong!_ And yet, I don’t get it. Because somehow, deep inside myself, there was and would always be a coward lying around.

Then there was Divergent, who said that the bravest moment of someone’s life is when they are the most selfless. So, maybe, it was true. You were the bravest when you were selfless. As human, no matter how we said we care for other people, we would put ourselves first, and that was why, when asked between live and death, we would choose live for ourselves. In the end, we were selfish. However, when we choose our death and their lives, we forgot about ourselves, and we must have asked to God for their safety. And that was bravery. The ultimate, and most sincere form of bravery, and love.

The actual proof, that us, human being is the bravest, and strongest.

And right then, I was at my bravest moment. My life vest failed to expand, and by the time I managed to reach the emergency window, the plane had drowned. By then, there was no chance of getting out, or swimming back to the surface. My body should’ve felt cold, and my lungs should’ve been destroyed.

However, why, did I feel so at home. The sea should’ve not felt this warm, and I clearly should’ve never heard somebody singing the Teru no Uta from tales from earthsea. Hell, I hear everything in my head right now.

_“Thalia.”_

Warm. The water was so warm. I thought I was crying, but I had no chance to make sure, since the water filled my lungs so fast.

 _“Thalia, come to me._ ”

_Who?_

Mom, I want to be brave. I so wanted to be brave.

_“I promised I’d stay with you in every step of the way. So come to me.”_

_I’m scared. Please, I’m scared._

_“Come to me!”_


End file.
